I guess I should preface this post with a warning that it might be a little soap boxy. I'm not really fishing for compliments or criticism. I'm just trying to wrap my head around something.
A little background. It should be no surprise to anyone that the finances of a family in grad school would be tight, especially when the grad student is the only one earning an income to support a family of six. However, as last Christmas rolled around, I was feeling particularly blessed. As a result, I made sure our family picked out some Angels from the Salvation Army/Toy for Tots Angel Tree. By the time we were able to go shopping, the childrens' angels were pretty much done, but there were a few crucial items missing from some previously returned angels, so we filled in the gaps. We also helped with a couple of Golden Angels for senior citizens. I felt it was very important to teach my kids to look outside themselves to help others in need.
Well, a couple of weeks ago our school sent home notes letting everyone know where and how to apply for help for Christmas from the Angel Tree program. Can you imagine my shock when I discovered that the income we have made for the last several years (supplemented by student loans) would qualify a family of three for assistance from the Angel Tree? I was also shocked to see just how much a family of six can earn and still qualify for the program (somewhere in the ballpark of 14K more a year than we currently make).
I find myself feeling as if something is just really skewed in either my perceptions or the perceptions of our society, or maybe both. Just who are these families that can't provide Christmas for their kids making that large an income? We made that much once, before the dotcom crash and before RM returned to school. That is the place in life where we finally started being able to put money in savings and pay off our debts. We felt as if we had plenty and to spare.
Somehow it has never crossed my mind that my family is "impoverished". I've always cringed filling out free/reduced lunch forms or CHIP applications just waiting to be told I've crossed some magic line and my kids won't qualify for help. Is there something wrong with me that making what we do it would never cross my mind to apply for help with Christmas? I simply feel too blessed and too surrounded by generous family to ever think we needed help that way. Let the funds go to help others who need it more than we do. We have all that we need and many things that we want. We are doing okay.
I guess now I'm feeling a bit jaded. Did I buy things for children whose parents make a third again more than we do last year? How many of these needy children are really needy? I'm going to have a hard time feeling good about contributing to that program this year, which will really stink for families that truly need it.
I'm also kind of feeling that ignorance was bliss. I think I preferred not knowing just how we look on paper to those who decide just where the poverty line is. Now I know why I've had people look at me strangely when I don't apply to various assistance programs beyond the few we already have. It's uncomfortable to think that "they" assume we aren't able to provide for our kids' needs.
So, I guess I'll keep plugging along, doing my best to feel blessed and highly favored and NOT resentful of others in need. All hail taking pride in your poverty. (Ain't it great how the adversary twists things all around on you. :P)
4 comments:
I can relate completely to your thoughts. We're a family of 9 (nearly 10) and my husband is also in grad school. I have had some of the same thoughts, and I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter because my heart is in the right place and I'm teaching my children a good lesson. I have been with families who expect things from others and the government and I think it's sad. I'm grateful I have the money to buy my kids gifts for Christmas but not everything they want. I don't think it hurts them to go without, in fact I think it makes them better. Sorry about my long comment. You just got me thinking! Have a good day!
Wendy I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had time with this too, I know we have done the same thing when DH was in school.
I think it comes down to we need to teach our children to give and to think of other and to be more like Christ. Christ didn't say only help people that are worse off than you. He said help everyone you can to the extent you can.
We all have our challenges and while I have never had to ask for help at Christmas I know that it isn't my place to decide if they really need my help but just to offer the love of Christ and help any way I can.
All that being said I have a very similar attitude to yours when it come to food stamps because when we were a young family and DH was in school and made next to nothing, I worked at a grocery store and would watch people pay for a shopping cart full of meat with food stamps then hand me a $100 bill out of a wad of them to pay for a shopping cart full of beer. I try really hard now to now judge everyone who has to ask for assistance by those people.
Pray, read what the Lord said about helping others, teach your kids and you are a million time better off than anything an angel tree could provide.
Sorry to ramble for so long.
That is crazy. I think that at times the system can be "worked" a little. I think that if we give and be generous with what we have, we will be blessed and will be showing our kids how to be good people. That said, it irritates me a little too.
Wow. That's incredible.
We've tried a few times to donate to the Angel Trees but have wound up frustrated ourselves. We assumed for years that the toys were going to kids who might be living in shelters or on the brink of absolute poverty, whose Christmas would be brightened by a doll or a toy truck, or a toy similar to something my own child might receive, so it's always frustrated me to see requests for expensive electronic equipment for 3 year olds, toys I just plain morally oppose, or things I would never imagine purchasing for my own children. And the year I saw a tag with a request for a pool table for a preteen, we were done.
It makes me sad, because there ARE families out there who are down on their luck and could really use the help, but then there are those parents who take no shame in working the system. (My sister overheard a co-worker bragging one year about the amazing Christmas they were going to have because she was able to get her kids' names on three different trees.) Yikes.
We feel so blessed to have a steady income when so many people around us are losing their jobs and homes. We realized a few years back that we can help by asking our Bishop each year if he could suggest a family in need, and then we secretly leave them a little extra Christmas cheer.
There's nothing wrong with you at all! It's just too bad there aren't more people out there like you! :)
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