As I sat down at the computer a few minutes ago, I noticed my niece's Facebook status wishing her brother a happy birthday tomorrow. "Wait", I thought, "that means..." and as I looked over at my calendar, I experienced that little stomach sinking confirmation.
Eleven years ago today our oldest daughter was stillborn at 24 weeks. We had known since a routine ultrasound at 18 weeks that she had a series of complications that made it unlikely that she would make it to full-term or ever take a breath. But, we were willing to put our faith in the Lord that things would turn out according to His will, and we prayed for a miracle.
In the years that have passed, I have truly come to peace with how things turned out. I know with all my heart that because of the set of complications she had, it really was best that she didn't linger in this world. I feel honored to be the mother of one so perfect that she was only required to "touch and go." I know that we will be reunited someday and that I will be privileged to truly get to know this precious little girl. For me, that is one of the most beautiful promises of the Resurrection of Christ.
There are times, sweet, sweet times, when I feel her near and I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of me.
In the days, weeks, months, and years since her passing, I have found a "new normal" where the grief of her loss isn't all consuming. Truth be told, I have reached a point in life where I can go for days, maybe even weeks, without thinking about her, and when I do it's without deep pain or tears. That is why it is not uncommon for her birthday to take me by surprise. But, it's at times like this when that shock of recognition overtakes me, that I really grieve and the tears flow.
3 comments:
((hugs))
It doesn't seem like it was that long ago. She was a very special girl with a special purpose.
Hugs Wendy. Love you!
~april
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